March, 2010 browsing by month


Searching for Balance.

Friday, March 12th, 2010

How do people do it?  I realized a few years ago (before the big L :) ) that balance is the secret to life.  Well, I’m feeling supremely unbalanced right now.  Here is what I would like to get done in a day…please share any advice you may have about executing the following activities:

  • shower
  • prepare and eat three meals
  • play with Jameson and Guinness
  • walk Jameson and Guinness
  • either swim/lift weights/do work-out video
  • drive to and from gym
  • work 10-6 Monday through Friday
  • drive to and from work
  • run random errands
  • drive to and from errands
  • relax (watch some tv, perhaps a little reading)
  • talk to friends and family
  • sync my phone
  • write in my blog
  • sleep

When I write it in list form, it doesn’t seem completely undoable, but let me now detail my current daily routine:

  • shower (most days :) )
  • play with pups for 3 to 5 minutes
  • leave house with 10,000 bags (”to do” items for my lunch break, my mom’s laptop, my weighty purse, my lunch (usually)) at 10 AM…remember, I’m supposed to be at work by 10 AM.
  • eat English Muffin in car while driving
  • maybe make a phone call or two on my way to work to catch up with people
  • make hot cocoa at office and break out the rest of my breakfast (yogurt)
  • work (I usually do not accomplish my lunchtime “to do” list.)
  • drive home or run errands
  • arrive home between 6:45-8 (or later if I ran errands…this week, it’s pretty much been 9 PM)
  • it’s dark outside…no dog walks (we don’t have sidewalks in our neighborhood)…sometimes we have a few minutes of nighttime ball/frisbee throwing, but not often
  • eat dinner (whatever my parents made or I bought on the way home OR cereal)
  • fall into chair/couch and stare at (not merely watch) the TV, sometimes for three hours
  • go to bed

Hmmm…notice how I missed several key activities?  Now you know why my blog posts are few and far between.  I need to sit and stare at my list of daily goals and figure out a routine that functions well for me.  I mean, I’m single and I don’t have any children…my life will be complete chaos when that changes if I don’t get myself under control now.  One important change I can make:  wake up earlier.  Basic, I know, but it’s key to feeling better about myself.  Do you feel like you’re having déja vu?  Yup, I’ve written about the whole routine thing before…probably many times.  It’s a struggle, but it’s a good one to have to deal with.  As Lori wrote to me when I told her about how I created personal finance Excel documents, “it’s a good place to be”.  I feel so normal logging my spending, making my lunch for work every day, sitting in traffic, getting a paycheck.

And speaking of, I haven’t told you yet that I am now working full-time for The Side-Out Foundation!  I even have my own office!  I’m currently in the process of organizing the room so it doesn’t look like I’m working out of a storage closet…it’s a big task, and I’m earning my new space.  :)

In other news, I had another bone marrow last Friday and my new marrow looks happy and leukemia free!!  Woohooo!!!!  Thaaaaaaank you, Laura!  It was wonderful to catch up with Dr. Kales.  Just seeing him relaxes me.  You know, whenever I have a bone marrow, weeks before it takes place, I constantly ask myself “What if the leukemia is back?”  I worry, but I keep up with everyday tasks.  I remind myself that I can do visualization, I can exercise and eat well, but I cannot change the physical state of my body beyond those things.  Eventually, I feel resigned to the fact that if it comes back, I will do whatever I have to do.  Not having complete control is at once freeing and terrifying, and I guess that’s what you learn when you become a patient.

Unfortunately, my dad is going through this right now.  He was admitted to the hospital today for emergency back surgery (which will take place tomorrow).  He started having back problems last fall, and received CT-directed injections to relieve pain.  He’s had several since then, but the last one a few weeks ago did little to nothing to alleviate the discomfort.  Last weekend, his legs started feeling numb and he was dragging one of his feet.  With the help of a walker he was able to maneuver around the house and various doctors’ offices, but he couldn’t work.  Today he needed a wheelchair to get into the neurosurgeon’s office.  I know he’s scared, but he’s also relieved to be in good hands.  It probably sounds harsh coming from a daughter, but I told him “there’s not much we can change now…you just do what they tell you to do.”  That seemed to bring him comfort.

I am so thankful for my ability to view the world and its trials in such a way.  I would much rather my dad not to have to go through this tough surgery, but when I hung up the phone after saying that, I realized that my cancer experience taught me about the importance of acceptance and will of spirit.  I will never say I’m grateful for cancer, but I can absolutely testify to the fact that it had some positive effects on the way I live my life.

…look at me…going on and on about myself again when I need to be focusing on my dad!!  Please send good thoughts and wishes his way (and to my mom too because, although she certainly has the caregiver role down pat, she can always use the good vibes :) ).

Well, I guess that’s about all for tonight.  I don’t even know if anyone is reading this blog anymore because I’m such a slacker blogger…well, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I write this blog for myself as much as I do for all of you.  There I go again…being selfish!!  :)

I hope you have a wonderful weekend!  I’m quite excited about the rain in our area–my windows are open and I’m ready to sleep to that heavenly sound of rain on the windows.  Also, have you noticed that the frogs are out?  I’ve heard them the past few nights.  Spring’s a comin’!!  Don’t forget to turn your clocks ahead this weekend!



PS Below are some links I wanted to share with you…they’re recent articles written about a new research trial Side-Out funded, and I thought you might be interested in checking them out:

This link is one I heard about on NPR…I think everyone should fill it out…just think how much easier it will be when you fill out paperwork at your doc’s office!!  No more calling your relatives from the waiting room to see what relative had what disease…check it out:

And finally, some inspiring quotes I happened upon while looking for quotes for Side-Out:

“A good example has twice the value of good advice.” - Unknown

“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands.  You need to be able to throw something back.” - Maya Angelou

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” - Mahatma Ghandi