Written by JKM on March 16th, 2009

I did a bad, bad thing today.  I woke up around 10:30 or so (after snoozing several times), threw some laundry in the washer, let the dogs out, took my pills and gave Jameson his antibiotic, and then I decided to lay down for 20 more minutes.  I woke up at 1.  Now, here’s the thing:  I could have easily stayed awake at 10:30, but because I knew that any activity I chose to do around the house, I would be doing solo (starting a project, emptying the boxes in the room), I was unmotivated.  Of course, when I woke up, I felt guilty, especially after reading what Judy (our awesome dog walker) wrote: Jameson played a lot (as usual :) ), but Guinness seemed sad and just laid on the steps.

Perhaps I’m giving myself too much credit (this is what my mom thinks!), but I truly believe that Guinness feeds off of my energy.  Although he may seem like a very independent dog, he gets his security from the family.  He acts like a cat, sitting in his own chair and not asking for much attention, but he’s happiest doing it when we’re all with him.  Does that make any sense?  He picks up quickly on change, and this morning’s routine was anything but typical!  He played a lot with me in the afternoon, so that made me feel better.

Regarding tricks for waking up earlier, Lori suggested setting a window of time for my alarm in the morning, say between 9 and 11.  This sounds quite reasonable.  Hopefully I can start with the later time, and gradually set it earlier and earlier.  Hmmm…this is such a boring blog tonight!!!!  But this is my life, so I will share it!  :)

Of course when I sleep late like today, I worry about leukemia again.  Is it back and making me more sleepy?  What were those minor aches in my back last night?  When I force myself to think about it, I believe I’m being too hard on my body.  It’s still recovering from the transplant, and I’ve been trying to push it a little more lately with more walking, dancing, lots of laundry.  I visualize the minor aches as more white cells growing in the marrow.  But I still worry.  I watch tv and distract myself, but when a commercial comes on, I wonder, “what was it that was irking me just a little while ago?—oh yah, worrying about the leukemia”, and an uneasy feeling fills my stomach and my mind. If I can’t erase “worry” from the dictionary, I would love to just shake it off and put it in a box high up on a bookshelf, so I can forget about it…or better yet, I’ll put it through the shredder…yah, that would be perfect!

So here I go again, passing the worries off to you!  Also, simply putting pen to paper and writing “request another bone marrow biopsy/aspirate” frees me of worry.  Now I’m off to read some Maeve Binchy.  I find that filling my mind with fictional stories is quite helpful also.

I hope you all had a wonderful Monday!  Happy almost St. Paddy’s Day!  Don’t forget your green!  :)



1 Comments so far ↓

  1. Mar
    Linda McGaughey

    “HI” Julie,

    You mentioned Guinness feeding off your moods, etc. Shannon’s Dobie, “Gretchen” fed off her to the point where I sometimes worried about Gretchen. At the time when Shannon broke up with her boyfriend, it was scary! Gretchen wouldn’t let Shannon out of her sight and would snuggle up to her and look at you with those big brown eyes. At times she wouldn’t eat and would just mope around. She definitely fed off Shannon’s energy.

    Happy to hear that you are feeling better and back to blogging.

    Love, Linda

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