Welcome to my new blog!Written by JKM on August 12th, 2008
Here I am—new blog, but same wonderful posts. Ronnie set this up for me because I kept complaining about the asethetics of the other one. Apparently it’s for “advanced bloggers”…that’s me, all right, advanced!!! hahahaha I defer to Ronnie and Katie whenever I have any computer problems, but I’m learning…slowly but surely, right? I was playing around with the different features on the blog, and I decided to dedicate this first post to “a day in the life of Jameson and Guinness”. I hope you enjoy the photos!
I’ve started taking videos with my digital camera, so when I start missing home while I’m out in Seattle, I can just flip open the laptop and see the sights and sounds from home. I got some good ones of the the pups playing yesterday, and I took one at night just to hear all the bugs (not that you can see anything!). I took one of the backyard, but unfortunately there weren’t any owls or deer or anything at the time. I’ll have to catch them in action before I leave.
Speaking of videos, I also ordered a yoga DVD to help keep in shape out in Seattle since I won’t be allowed to go to any classes! I hope it’s good…I was looking through the options and I thought, “well, I definitely won’t be up to doing power yoga, and I don’t need ‘yoga to lose weight’”, so I found a nice normal one, “yoga for every body”…I’ll let you know if it’s any good! I also ordered one of my very favorite movies, “Saving Grace”. If you haven’t seen it, you should definitely check it out! It’s hilarious and also heartwarming. Just make sure it’s this movie http://www.bestprices.com/cgi-bin/vlink/794043514227?source=adwords and not the tv series or anything.
Anyhoo, in health news, I’m doing well. I feel good, and my white count is .8!!! Neutrophils are .2, so they’re on the rise. Unfortunately, my red blood cells and platelets aren’t on their way up yet. I’m visualizing lots of cute little red circles with top hats and canes jumping into my bloodstream so I don’t have to get blood tomorrow. If my red cell count doesn’t go up, I will unfortunately have to go to short stay at the hospital (which, as I’ve written before, means long stay and is not fun at all) because the infusion clinic is booked up all week!! So think some good thoughts for those cells and you never know what will happen!!
Tonight my mom and I are going to Laura and Tiso’s house for chicken cacciatore…yuuuummy! I think the dogs will come along as well, and they love going over there, so it will be a nice treat for them.
Two weeks from today will be my first appointment for the pre-transplant workup out in Seattle, and as it draws closer, reality is setting in. I keep reminding myself that I will be back here in four and a half months, but of course I’m still nervous. Part of me worries about the possibility of not returning home, and I try to not dwell on worrying about dying, but this whole process is dangerous and there are no guarantees. I think the Lexapro has helped calm me down, but I still think about it. I’m not afraid to die, but I’m definitely not ready. I hope this isn’t upsetting anyone, but when you’re facing a disease like cancer, death certainly crosses your mind, and honestly it makes me feel better to talk about it and share my concerns. After I was first diagnosed, I thought more about what should happen if I die, and I wrote down my wishes for what I would want at my funeral (music, flowers, photos, etc.). I have a really good feeling about the transplant, but I can’t help but worry every so often. I have so much to accomplish and experience, and I plan on doing so with Laura’s marrow!! My ipod was on shuffle when I was getting ready this morning and my favorite hymn came on: “Precious Lord, Take My Hand”…not very danceable, but it did prompt a little discussion with God. I told him, no offense, but he better not be trying to take my hand any time soon. I think he heard me.
Also, since I’m listing my worries, I’ll add a few more. I sound vain writing this, but I’m worried about how my appearance will change if I have to take steroids following the transplant: will I get the “steroid round face”? Will I gain additional weight? It’s not a big deal in the scheme of things, but adding body image worries just doesn’t seem fair when I’m dealing with other more important things. Maybe someone out there is working to fix those side effects as I type! Anyway, it’s not a big deal, but I just wanted to pile all my worries into this first new post. Don’t be discouraged…I’m still positive, but I’m trying to make this experience as real to you as it is to me…no censoring!
Let’s end on an up note…a year from now, I’ll be healthy and getting ready for my favorite season of the year, I’ll be looking for a job so I can plan my Ireland trip, my hair will be growing back (everyone tells me the Fludarabine will definitely cause me to lose it), I’ll be with family and friends, and most importantly I can start dating! hahahaha OK, it’s not the most important thing, but it’s up there!!!
Hope you like the new site!