Mornin’, everyone! How r ya? I’m OK…I’m feeling pretty blah right now, although I did get some sleep last night which is a good thing. Still, it’s difficult to really sleep well when you have to wake up every hour or two to have the nurse change your fluids/blood bag, or to stop the beeping from the iv machine. Plus I had nausea last night and this morning. Basically, I’m just hanging out in bed, listening to a CD, and writin’ on my blog….although I just had to take a break from that to draw my blood and eat some breakfast before taking 9 pills…nine pills! I know it’s not a lot for some people, but it’s certainly not something I’m accustomed to! And those meds aren’t including the anti-nausea I had through my iv. So I figure there are lots of reasons for me to feel a bit blah, between all the meds, the blood I got last night, and the i131 treatment. I’m feeling a little stronger after eating my oatmeal, so hopefully the rest of the day will go well.

I got on the bike in my room for about 5 minutes yesterday…then the phone rang, and I figured talking to Lori was much more important! I’ll get back on there later today to get my legs moving…I miss being able to do my laps! I heard someone outside walking his laps the other day, and he asked the nurse if it was safe for him to walk by my room and the woman’s next to me. Kinda weird to hear someone ask that, but hey!–I would be wondering the same thing if I were him! It’s just so crazy that nothing can go out of my room, except the blood I draw, and that goes into a lead tube that the nurses take. My trash cans are pretty full already, so I have to be careful not to let them overflow! I guess basically what I’m getting at is that I have a lot more responsibility as a patient while in isolation! I can’t be lazy and just say I don’t feel well while they cater to me. This is hard work!! But it’s good because then I don’t just lay around succumbing to the blah feeling…I’m forced to move around and kick myself in the butt when I’m dragging.

Anywayyyyyy, when going to bed at night, I listen to a guided imagery CD given to me by a friend. Margaret, I am really enjoying it, but I do have to admit that the first night I turned it on, when I was probably a little high what with the mix of the steroids, the bronchodilator and the Ativan, I was cracking up and talking to myself throughout. I wasn’t tired yet, and I was hoping the CD would do the trick, but instead it energized me a little. When the person speaking said you shouldn’t drive while listening to the CD because it put you into a dreamlike state, I couldn’t stop laughing. I was actually talking out loud, saying “Um, yah, proooobably not a good idea! hahahahaha” (and this is at 1 am in the morning…hope I didn’t wake my neighbors!) In another part, she said thank you to the cancer cells for helping to make us more aware of and thankful for what we have in life, I was like “Um, yah, but I didn’t need a second reminder!”…after thanking the cancer cells, she told them it was time for them to go, and I’m lying in bed cracking up and saying “Yah, get the hell outta here cells! You were never welcome anyway!” and laughing. Seriously, if anyone had seen me they would have thought I was a crazy person. Then there was another part that had me crying. She asked that we think of a place that means a lot to us, someplace safe and happy. I thought and thought, and decided on my front yard, playing with the dogs…then I started crying because I miss home and my pups….I told myself, “well, that’s not too happy if it’s making me cry!”, so I switched over to the Outer Banks, where my family went every year for many years until I ruined it in ‘05. Of course, what should happen next?! You got it! I cried again, because I miss the beach, and the last time we were there we had an extra special wonderful time because Ronnie and Kathy got married. Soon I start laughing at the fact that every happy place makes me cry. I mean, I was a crazy mess!!! On another part of the CD, she mentions something about cells saluting other cells…I’m not sure if she meant the cancer cells, but I started laughing again because I thought, there’s no way my good cells are saluting the cancer cells!–in fact, I’m pretty sure they’re flicking them off as the iodine comes to suck ‘em up. Good riddance, right?!!

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the CD! I found it very soothing, once I got over my craziness, but I was having a grand ol’ time the first night, laughing then crying then laughing again. I played it four or five times, but I never slept much, due to the crazy steroids, I assume. Last night, it worked perfectly!

Uh-oh—-here we go! I’m beeping again…this damn machine……..OK, now it’s almost 6:30 PM. I’m feeling much better than I felt this morning. I showered (woohoo!), I biked for about 20 minutes, I caught up with some friends and my fam on the phone, I visited with Laura and my mom, and now I’m watching “The Cosby Show” again. If I look outside my window, I can see Mount Rainier, which always looks extra beautiful when the sun is going down. Every time I look at it, I have to remind myself that it’s real…it looks like it’s painted into the sky. Looking through the hall out the window, I can see fans gathering for the UW game against Stanford…I have a pretty darn good setup, don’t you think?

Laura and my mom got some pics today, so Laura might post them on the blog later. Then you can see the little “bubble” I’m living in for a couple days.

I’m watching boats cruise by on the lake…wish I were out there ’cause it looks like an absolutely gorgeous night! The tops of all the beautiful evergreens are brightened by the last rays of the day…you know, that cool time in the evening when the light filters through the trees at just the right angle…the water is rippling, the boaters are out there cruising, and I’m sure every Seattleite, or whatever they’re called, is out there enjoying the evening.  I watch everything going on outside and it makes me look forward to being myself again, when I can go out and enjoy a football game or a boat ride, or simply a drive around town without having this nagging feeling at the back of my mind. I’m sure I’ll have the thought of cancer on my mind for a while, and it will always be there in some form, but I will have a normal life again when this is over, and I’m getting excited just thinking about it. I’m nervous about so many things, mostly about finding a career that will be truly fulfilling, but now I have more time to think about it. Despite the nervousness surrounding the search for the perfect job, I feel like I can do anything because of my experience with leukemia. So I’ll keep strong and look forward to all the good things that await me. In the meantime, I’m going to keep watching this “Cosby Show” marathon which was also scheduled at a perfect time during my isolation…isn’t that thoughtful of TVLand?

Hope you’re having a great weekend!!

Lots of love.