You might be wondering about the title of this post. I have received lots of wonderful and encouraging mail while I’ve been here, and today I received three packages! Beth sent me an awesome necklace that is handmade on maplewood and reads “Laughter is the best medicine”. I am definitely an advocate of that school of thought! Before I continue, let me just sidetrack here, while we’re speaking of laughter and fun, and say that they have no hula hoops out here! I’ve been in Bartell Drugs, a children’s store, QFC (a big grocery chain), Safeway…I think I’m going to order one on-line, but what’s up with that?! Is Seattle anti-hula-hooping? Ok, back to laughter…Beth included a pretty quote in the card that I thought you would all enjoy: “At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities” (Jean Houston)….isn’t that true? Anytime you’re laughing, the whole world just seems to be a better place….kind of like sleeping. When you sleep well, you can approach life with a better attitude….sleeping and laughter, the two key aspects to living well, by Julie Matthews. In my next package, Katie sent me some yummy gum and “Baby Mama”! I love that movie, and I think my mom will enjoy it as well, and if you haven’t seen it, you should! Pretty funny stuff.

Let’s see…what else…oh yah, I’m supposed to be explaining the post title, aren’t I? Pardon me if my mind seems to wander…I blame it on the chemo. Anyhoo, the third package was from Laura, and in it was a pretty silver necklace that reads “sister” and has a pretty flower on it. I thought, “How pretty and thoughtful”! Then I kept reading and noticed that she had the back engraved…mine reads “The Getter” and hers (she bought the same one) reads “The Giver”. I thought it was just perfect…I will venture to say that no one else has a necklace like this!!! Thanks, Laura!! And thank you Katie and Beth, and thank you to everyone for fillin’ up my mailbox. It makes me feel pretty darn special, and that way I can tell the other residents here that they really need to be nice to me ’cause I have a huge group of people who got my back. Maybe I’ll start saying, “Look at all this mail I have….how ’bout you?!” to the other residents once I see that their boxes are empty. Then I’ll be like, “Oh well, maybe tomorrow” with a sympathetic smile. hahahahahahahahaha Yah, sometimes I can be evil, but you know it’s funny!

So I met with my doctor and team nurse yesterday to go over the protocol and sign some more consent forms. It was a pretty intense meeting because they reminded me of the inherent danger involved in getting a bone marrow transplant. They said I would most likely go to the hospital following my transplant because my counts will be completely wiped out. I asked them why I would have to go to the hospital because my counts have been wiped out several times previously, and I was able to return home and be treated as an outpatient. This is how they explained it: Once my counts are knocked down this time, they will not grow back. I need Laura’s cells to recover. I will also be on immunosupressant drugs to prevent GVHD, so all these things combined make me extremely vulnerable to infection, and infection can be deadly. In that aspect, the meeting yesterday had me worried because the transplant draws nearer and nearer. I feel so well now, I can’t imagine feeling so poorly that I have to go to the hospital. After leaving the clinic, my worries lessened a bit. Having the opportunity to get around the town and be part of the general public lifts my spirits greatly when I feel down or worried. Talking on the phone helps too. That way I can hear about the everyday events that I was growing tired of before I relapsed…things that I miss doing now. I just keep telling myself to go with the flow, and whatever happens is what’s meant to be. I plan on fighting with everything I got (note the picture of my boxing gloves on my bedroom wall….if I need to use them, I will!!), and having you all support me makes me strong and happy (are you sick of me telling you that?).

Plus, I’m going to share something private with you…no, nothing gross like my 24-hour urine collection, but rather a list I’ve started. I started it when I was in remission (in October of last year) after reading a news article about a 75-year old Fairfax man who took up piano four years ago and made George Mason University an all Steinway university (Steinways are like the BMWs of pianos…well-built, reliable, kinda fancy…the best of the best). He had wanted to learn piano since he was young, and included it on a list a teacher asked him to make in college: “25 things I want to accomplish in life”. Sooooo, in addition to my trip to Ireland and hanging out with all of you, here is a list of what I would like to accomplish…maybe you’ll want to make one up too! I haven’t finished it yet…I don’t want any wish to be silly, so I need to concentrate…could take me years to finish the list! So, here goes:

1 - Fall in Love

2 - Marry

3 - Have at least 3 children

4 - Learn German and Italian

5 - Travel (oh!—-so many places!)

6 - Write a book

7 - Walk a marathon

8 - Own a house and car

9 - Landscape a beautiful yard

10 - Make at least one new friend every year

11 - Become an accomplished cook

12 - Learn to dance country, salsa (I can kinda do it now, but there’s always room for improvement!), ballroom and swing

13 - Do a TNT event every year

14 - Throw dinner parties

15 - Volunteer in my community

16 - Learn a new song on the piano each year

17 - Volunteer with my pets in the hospital

……and I’ll work on the rest. It makes me feel good to refer to this list when I feel worried or down. I feel in my heart that I will accomplish all these goals, but it’s still very frightening to face the possibility of death. No one knows what will happen. And when (not if ) Laura’s marrow becomes mine, I will constantly worry about another relapse, but I will start on my wish list, and I will find something to smile about every day. If I ever forget to do that for some reason, please remind me!!!!!!!

For many, today, September 11th, is anything but a happy day. I felt guilty because I totally forgot about what day it was until my mom reminded me on our way to one of my appointments. I can’t believe seven years have passed. Ronnie, I know it’s something you think about every single day, and I wish I could take away what you experienced that day, but I know that’s impossible. I love you, and I am thinking of you today, in addition to those who lost their lives and their loved ones. Here’s a quote I found that seemed appropriate for this day: “I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct will pursue his principles unto death” (Thomas Paine). So, kind of as we do when facing any trauma or serious illness, we keep putting one foot in front of the other , we smile to help give ourselves strength, and we remember the losses we’ve incurred to help give meaning to our lives and how we live them.

And, of course, we pick things to look forward to! I, personally, can’t wait to see Paulina in a couple hours! She’s coming out here to visit, and she will stay until Sunday. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous, and I’m really looking forward to showing her my ‘hood.

Before I sign off, I wanted to include something a little lighter…a funny story that involves my mom (imagine that!!). To all you nurses out there who went to training with my mom, how did you do it?!!! She’s a bit of a troublemaker in the classroom! We had to attend a couple classes about home care, nutrition, etc. The other day, we were in a class talking about the role of the caretaker and the patient. At the end, our teacher gave us some situations to hear what we thought about them. Here they are:

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Scenario 1:

Dorothy has been out of the hospital for one week. She goes into the clinic twice weekly. She spends a lot of the day sleeping or staring out of the window. Peter (her husband) has made suggestions for outings, exercise, conversation, and movies, but she says she isn’t interested and is just fine being at home. When they go into the clinic, Dorothy tells the doctor and nurses that everything is fine. Peter doesn’t think everything is fine. He worries that she is losing ground, is depressed and wants her to seek counseling. Peter misses her companionship and wants her to get back to her usual self.

Scenario 2:

Rita is taking care of her mother, Julia, after transplant. She is doing fine. Rita is going crazy. Rita misses going out and feels the walls of the hospital/apartment are getting closer and closer. She feels guilty to leave her mother and enjoy herself. What strategies can she use to cope with those feelings?

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The teacher asked us questions like “Is Peter being unreasonable?”, “What do you think Rita can do to overcome this feeling?” to which my mom yelled from the back of the room……..”Rita should call Peter so they can go out!!!!!!!!” hahahahahahahaha I was proud that MY mom was the one to lighten the mood and get everyone laughing. She has a talent for that, and it makes her an extra-special caretaker (and mom!). But still, if I had to take classes with her all the time, I’m sure I would get in trouble! I bet there are lots of stories from all you nursing classmates…do tell!!!

Finally, I’ve included pictures, both new and old today. My cousin Mike and his family, as well as my Uncle Bill and Aunt Nancy worked hard to put a CD of pictures together for me of our family. I thought you’d get a kick out of seeing some of them. Hope you enjoy!

Love from Seattle.