October 4th, 2008

...now browsing by day

 

Even MORE Photos! :) :) :)

Saturday, October 4th, 2008

So, here we are, the Friday before my transplant…3 days and counting, or as Andrew wrote (which sounds even cooler), Day minus 3…all systems go!!! That way sounds much more exciting, and excited I am!! The closer I get to the transplant, the more excited I am to let Laura’s cells take over and get this all behind me. She got two shots today, both Neupogen to increase her white cell count. Sometimes patients experience pain from that because eventually, after 2 shots a day for 5 days, there are so many white cells in the bone marrow, they don’t have anywhere to go, and it can cause bone pain or pressure. I’m hoping Laura won’t be affected by this too much, mostly so she doesn’t give me any crap about it. hahahaha No, seriously, she did really well today, so I hope that it’s not an issue for her. She has and continues to do so much for us…it just doesn’t seem fair to add physical pain to it, does it?

I had my consultation with a radiation oncologist today to talk about the single dose (or “zap”) of total body irradiation (TBI) I will be getting Tuesday morning before the transplant. They will take pictures of me while I’m in there, so I’ll be sure to pass those along to you! It’s all part of the process of getting rid of all my cells so Laura’s can take over fully. When it came time to ask questions, I of course asked the one that I’ve asked every doctor: Will this procedure make me sterile? I knew the answer was probably yes, but I thought maybe a “zap” of TBI just meant a little bit, and it might not rule out the possibility of having children. Unfortunately, his answer was indeed “yes, it is most likely that you will be sterile, if you aren’t already from your previous chemos and other procedures (i.e.radioactive iodine)”. OK, so I expected that, but it doesn’t really mean that it hurts any less each time I hear it. I absolutely want to adopt, but I guess I was still hoping that there was some possibility I would be able to experience pregnancy…I say it that way because if I wrote “to have a child” it doesn’t make much sense, because if I adopt, I do have a child. Do you know what I mean? I just always thought I would be pregnant someday, along with my sisters, sister-in-law, and my friends. I know, I know, meet the guy first, Julie. Don’t worry…I’m not that desperate to have a child! I definitely need a date first! And if anyone knows of any hot, single guys around 30, tell them to wait about a year or so until I’m allowed to go out and do stuff, and then we’ll go from there! hahahahaha :) Anyway, whoever he turns out to be, it will be difficult to tell him that I cannot have children. Ok, that’s enough complaining about that. As always, thanks for reading along as I work these issues out in my head.

After my TBI consultation, I went and started my Fludarabine, the chemo I will receive through Sunday. It’s a relatively mellow chemo, as chemos go, and the infusion itself only takes a half hour! It went well, and afterwards I met with my nurse to talk about any issues. I do have mucositis which she thinks to be in the early stages. My instructions are to rinse at least every 2 hours with salt water, and to keep them updated on any changes. It’s not so bad right now…the most annoying part is that my throat feels tight like it’s closing up a little (but no worries…I can still eat and drink and take all my lovely pills!). My saliva also feels thicker, and they told me to spit out any secretions….disgusting!! Am I supposed to turn into one of those people hawking all over the sidewalk?! I’m walking around the city spitting everywhere, and then I’d have to explain myself, “Oh, don’t worry…it’s only ’cause I’m a cancer patient…that’s all…thick spit, you know”, with a smile so they don’t think I’m just gross. :) hahaha That’d be pretty funny.

Speaking of wanting to hawk something up, I start the Cyclosporine tomorrow…remember, the scary, smelly gray pill I told you about? Think good thoughts as I introduce it to my system! It’s funny…I keep having little conversations with my body like “You’re doing so well…just keep it up! We can do it!”, little pep talks for when the body feels some pangs of weariness. I think it works. And don’t worry, I do it in the privacy of my own bathroom…I don’t walk around the clinic or around Seattle talking to myself! Although no one would think anything of it on the street I live on…the residents of the halfway house across the street are constantly keeping us entertained with their lively conversations, sometimes two-sided, sometimes not!

My Ativan is kicking in so I’m getting sleepy now, but I wanted to let you know about the coolest thing that happened today….Katie came in to visit!!!!! She’s pretty tired because she had a long flight and what with the time difference and all, but it’s so good to see her! And she brought me a book that she wrote just for me! It’s called “Sigep’s Patience” and it’s about my bone marrow and how he’s a nice guy, but a little careless when it comes to caring for himself. Pretty soon Cleo, the cop, shows up to help him do all the things he needs to do to be healthy, and together they help me feel “happier than ever”. It’s wonderfully written and so creative, and I plan on carrying it around with me to all my appointments. I think the doctors and nurses would be very impressed by it. And the detail is wonderful! The book itself is orange (for leukemia), and on the front cover, there’s a cute little circle guy down by Pike’s Place Market, holding an “I love Seattle” poster in one hand and a starbucks cup in the other. Mount Rainier , the Space Needle and evergreens finish off the Seattle scene, but the best part is the clock at Pike’s Place Market is that the little hand is on the 10 and the big hand is on the seven…get it? 10/7, the day of my transplant. Anyway, I can’t do the story justice by trying to describe it to you over the blog so hopefully someday you will get the chance to read it, or you can order yourself a copy from http://www.blurb.com/. I do want to share a pretty Irish prayer she inserted at the beginning: “May God give you…For every storm, a rainbow, For every tear, a smile, For every care, a promise, And a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, A faithful friend to share, For every sigh, a sweet song, And an answer for each prayer.” I am fortunate enough that God has given me these things in you, my family and my friends. I can’t wait to get through the storm, and I will fight with all I have to see that damn rainbow again. I feel so strong today…I feel relatively healthy and I ready to move ahead. I know my feelings always waver, depending on how I’m feeling, but I find what I can in each day to bring me joy and peace. And I feel lucky to know how to find that joy and peace, perhaps a lesson I learned from leukemia.

I’m going to update my schedule, if you want to check that out a little…not much is changing, but it gives you the times of when everything is happening, in case you want to check it out.

As I look across the way to the windows of the nice apartments (behind the halfway house), I watch people (not in a creepy “Rear Window” sort of way, but just as in glance–hey, they have their blinds open!) meeting up with friends, getting ready to go out, and I feel jealous and sad, especially after spending half the evening trying to organize my growing number of medicines. I should be doing what they’re doing. I should be going on dates, I should be out there meeting new and interesting people my age, but I’m stuck…for now.

Strangely though, I would never give up the perspective I’ve gained from all of this. I know in my heart that my future is gleaming with possibility, and I can’t wait to find out what other twists and turns life will take me on. It is indeed an adventure, and I will look at each day as such……even if I’m feeling nauseous, layed out on the couch….hey, it’s all part of my experience, right? :) (Just don’t remind me I said this when I actually am nauseous and layed up on the couch, ’cause I’ll probably have a few choice words to share with you!).

I hope you all enjoy your fall weekends–the colors are actually very pretty here!

Love from rainy Seattle

PS Laura took a few more photos that we thought we’d share with you :) (She also wrote the captions for them) Enjoy! :)