Hey there everyone!

So, are you filled with holiday cheer?  I’m sitting here by a warm fire with my parents, my pups (including Indie!), my Aunt Barbie and my Uncle Rick.  We were singing some Christmas tunes after savoring yummy soup (famous in our house as “Ashley’s Aunt Lee’s Soup”…Ashley, I am always reminded of the Blizzard of ‘96 and our adventures in New England/New York whenever I make it!).  All the Christmas trees are lit, but presents are not wrapped yet…no worries.  I still have some hours left. :)  All in all, I’m a shining example of holiday cheer.  Except for the fact that I’m a little cranky from varous store outings…not too bad though. 

I called my oncologists’ office early this afternoon to get the results from my hormone tests.  If you recall, the tests were normal several months ago (before I went to Seattle), but the physicians in Seattle informed me that the tests were not accurate because I was still taking birth control pills to supplement my hormones.  After discontinuing usage of these pills for about six weeks, they did some more tests on my blood.  My FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) level is 21.6, considered post-menopausal.  I found a website that points to 9 as a normal FSH level.  Basically, I will never be able to get pregnant. It’s no longer a probablity, it’s a reality.

Although I mentally prepared myself for this result, it is crushing nonetheless.  These amazing genes will never be passed on.  :)  hahaha Seriously though, I’m sad I won’t experience pregnancy and the joys that accompany it, but I’m hopeful about adoption.  First things first though…to find a husband…hmmm…hey, that’s something to look forward to!  Although I’m disappointed about today’s news, I ask that no one treat me differently.  Please don’t ever feel that you shouldn’t share your pregnancy joys, stories about your children or anything thus related.  I truly enjoy celebrating every special occasion, and my own situation will never affect my attitude toward your experiences.

Well, it’s getting later, and I’m starting to feel sleepy, and those presents won’t wrap themselves!  I feel better after sharing my thoughts with you.  No, this isn’t going to cloud my Christmas.  I’m healthy, I’m home with my family, and I’m looking forward to a year of possibilities.  When you look at it that way, it seems I should be counting my blessings, not worrying about what I don’t have.  So Merry Christmas, everyone!  Don’t forget to count your blessings too.  It makes the holiday season all the more magical.

Lots of love to all my supporters out there. 

Julie