The countdown begins!!!  The VA Beach Half Marathon is only four days away!  We had a short training this past Saturday (only four miles), and I was the first to finish…granted most other people were doing 10, 14 and 16 miles since the majority are doing full marathons, but that’s neither here nor there. I am nervous about the race, but I am looking forward to that feeling you get at the finish line when they place the medal around your neck.  It feels like yet another victory over leukemia.

I’ve been feeling really down because this weekend Pete told me he just wants to be friends.  I’m hurt, angry, and just very sad.  I find it strange that it’s more painful to hear that someone is no longer attracted to you than it is to hear “you have cancer” or “your leukemia is back”.  The only explanation I have is that when they told me I had leukemia, there was nothing I could do but accept the fact that I was sick.  I never once thought, “geez…what could I have done to get this leukemia?  Can I somehow alter my diagnosis so it’s not cancer?”.  I know, this analogy’s a bit of a stretch!  :)  Stay with me here, folks.  Basically what I’m saying is that I never blamed myself.  I reacted to external circumstances:  somehow I got cancer and they would give me medicine and I would either get better or I wouldn’t.  With Pete, I wonder “what did I do wrong?”, “could I have changed things?”, “am I not a datable person?”…hundreds of questions pop in and out of my mind and unfortunately there are no answers.

So that sucks.  BUT the marathons are giving me purpose and motivation, and I know finishing them will remind me of my strength.  I also have two pretty little glass stones they handed out at training this past weekend.  There were probably five different colors and our mission mentor, Cat, assigned a meaning to each color.  We were supposed to choose a color (or two), a reminder of why we walk the long miles.  I chose life and health.  I pretty much thought about myself all four miles.  :)  Of course I am doing this to help all patients, but I would be incapable of doing this if it weren’t for the fact that my own health was restored (thanks to Laura!).  I hope this health allows me a long life, and thus my choice of the second stone.

Health and life.  That’s what it boils down to.  No matter how sad I may feel right now, I still have the ability to step back and remember what is most important.  Remembering this will help me to cross the finish line with a smile.  Thank you for all your support and GO TEAM!!!!!!

Love,

Julie

PS I downloaded this cool app for my phone called “Walkmeter”, and it maps out my trainings.  I don’t know why, but comparing the two of these totally cracks me up.  Can you take a guess where we were training for the second map?

http://maps.google.com/?q=http://share.abvio.com/4433/2b7b/4c54/3257/Walkmeter-Walk-20100814-0654.kml

http://maps.google.com/?q=http://share.abvio.com/4433/2b7b/4c54/3257/Walkmeter-Walk-20100807-0655.kml (track)

Enjoy the photos!