Happy Monday!

So we’re getting down to the wire here…one week from tomorrow is the first day of appointments for Laura and me. Corporate Angel Network will contact me tomorrow regarding a free flight out to Seattle, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed! It says that they only take one other passenger with the patient, but I’m hoping to convince them to take both Laura and my mom with me! I’ll let you know how it goes. If it doesn’t work out, my mom found a flight that leaves Sunday evening and arrives in Seattle around 11 PM their time. I just want to stay here in Virginia as long as possible to hang out with everyone.

And speaking (or technically, “writing”) of hanging out, my family surprised me this weekend with a party. Laura contacted a small group of my closest friends, and they came out Saturday night to visit and wish me well on my trip to Seattle. Ronnie did a good job of distracting me: he asked if I wanted to go on a walk with him, Jameson and Guinness. We went the long way, but I told him on the walk that I wouldn’t be able to make it to the entrance of the neighborhood because I wore my flip-flops, and they weren’t comfortable enough to do two miles. We walked to the bus stop of our neighborhood, and he prolonged the walk by saying he wanted to see what it looked like on the inside, so we walked in, looked around, he pointed out some graffiti, and we went on our way. When we got back to the house, it was transformed! There were streamers, signs, balloons, and my parents, Laura, Kathy and Katie were all standing in the kitchen sporting orange leis (orange is the color for leukemia awareness). They yelled “Surprise!” and at first, I thought we were celebrating Ronnie’s birthday early since I would be gone, but they all seemed to be looking at me. I asked “for what?!”, and then I figured it out. I’m a little slow. Friends started showing up about an hour later, and it was a really special night. I wanted to share with you a beautiful poem that Laura wrote and then read to me when everyone was there. I was very touched, and I know this poem will find its way into my books as a bookmark, and it will be quite worn by the time I get back here to Virginia in January.

“Julie,

We’ve gathered here tonight to wish you well as you leave for Seattle,

We know you will fight hard and we know you will win this battle!

As your prepare for your journey out west, we know you’ve got a lot on your mind,

We know that once you get there, good doctors, nurses and courage you will find.

We know you will welcome every rainbow that shines after the falling rain,

Strength, good health and triumph we’re certain you will gain.

We know you will fight through this with gumption, humor and smiles,

We’ll be right there beside you, or sending well wishes across the miles.

You are truly an inspiration, the way you always find the good even in the bad,

The way you’re able to remain sound when many others would be mad.

We know 5 months seems overwhelming, the road seems windy and long,

But you’ve gotta do what you gotta do in order to again be strong.

We love you, we’re in this with you, we know you will persevere,

Now hurry up and beat this so we can celebrate in Ireland with beer!”

I didn’t quite know what to say after listening to her wonderful poem. I think my emotions are kind of dulled right now, and I feel like all my feelings are waiting to come out when I leave for the airport. Sometimes the tears will come when I’m alone or after Aunt Bitsy leaves (she stayed through yesterday and we had a wonnnnderful time!!!–I credit her with bringing up my counts. )…they also sometimes come after Ronnie, Kathy, Katie, Laura and Tiso leave too. Even though I know I’ll see them again, and even though my parents are with me, the house gets too quiet after a weekend of laughter, teasing and general loudness (is that even a word?). The important thing is that eventually the tears stop, and I am able to focus on other things to distract me. I just keep looking at the next several months as something I have to plow through. I have no other choice, and I have no better option for a cure. There’s no point in feeling down the whole time because that would just be unpleasant for me and everyone around me. Again, I really feel like the Lexapro is helping me in this area because my anxiety level went down a lot in the past few weeks. I feel pretty proud of myself for trying to find all possible ways to help me get through this…the relaxation CDs (thanks, Margaret, for bringing me your favorite the other day!! I know it will be a great help out in Seattle), a new yoga DVD, a counselor and Lexapro (aside from my friends and family—but that’s not something I had to find…all of you have always been there). I didn’t think I needed an anti-depressant because I wasn’t feeling like I couldn’t get by without it (that’s a lot of double negatives!–my English and Creative Writing teachers would not be proud!!). I figured the situation was difficult and I responded as anyone in my shoes would. Then I discussed it with my family and my counselor, and it seemed like Lexapro would be sort of like a crutch to help me through this time in my life, and I’m glad I have it in my arsenal of items to help me be strong enough to beat the leukemia again.

Well, this is pretty long (as always!), but as always, I have lots to get off my chest. Lori and I started packing yesterday…well, technically, Lori did most of the work. I was overwhelmed by the whole process and was easily distracted by little jobs like picking out the books I wanted to take. I also found several recipes my mom has been looking for the past year or so…oops! I put them away with other recipes I wanted to copy, and then I forgot about them…good thing I’m sick so my mom can’t get too upset with me! hahaha just kidding, she would never get too upset with me, but I think the fact that I’m sick makes her less likely to yell.

My numbers today went down a little bit, I think because Aunt Bitsy left…she is my good luck charm for blood numbers! Actually, the white count and neutrophils probably went down a little because they stopped the Neupogen shots Friday. Those are meant to give me a white cell boost, so once they stop giving me that, I think my own marrow has to work a little bit more to get the cells churning out. My hemoglobin and hematocrit went down a little too, so I’ll probably find out tomorrow whether or not I need blood. I do have a headache right now that feels like it might be an anemia-related headache, so I’m hoping if I need blood they can fit me in to the infusion clinic this week. My platelets are holding pretty steady around 33,000, so that’s a good sign. Hopefully they (along with my other counts) will start going up soon!!! I keep telling my bone marrow that it doesn’t have to work too much longer, so it should try and get its act together and give me some freakin’ cells!

OK, I’m getting a little tired, so I’m going to sign off! I think I might have a delicious bowl of Frosted Flakes before heading to bed…don’t be jealous!!!!! By the way, some people have asked for my address in Seattle, so here it is: Pete Gross House, 525 Minor Avenue North, Apartment 606, Seattle, WA 98109.

Think good thoughts for my numbers tomorrow! Good night!!! Below are some pics from this weekend…enjoy!

Love ya.