Hey there everyone!
I’m getting ready for bed, but I’m feeling pretty down right now, so I needed to get it out somehow. I’ve had a great week so far visiting with friends and family, but I realize that the week is drawing to a close and Seattle is no longer some far off notion. It is reality. I leave my dad, my pups, Ronnie, Kathy, Katie, Tiso and all my friends on Sunday to head off to a place where I don’t know anyone to have a dangerous procedure which could or could not cure me of cancer. I’m so scared. I’m sad. I’m disappointed that I have to do this, especially at a time when it seems that my life should be falling into place.
I had a great time visiting with my friend Gershon tonight, but as it’s been with other friends I’ve said good-bye to recently, I felt really sad to see him go. My counselor asked me yesterday what my biggest worry was with the transplant, and I told her it was that I may not see everyone again. I honestly don’t believe that’s true because I have a feeling I will do very well, but I know it’s a possibility and it makes me so sad. It feels good and bad to get some tears out. I know this is just a taste of the emotions I will feel in the upcoming days. Every time I look at the dogs, I want to cry. They don’t understand this…they’ll find out Sunday that I’m leaving, but they don’t know why or when and if I’ll be back. I feel like I’m deserting them, even though I know in my heart it’s what I have to do.
I’m worried that my dad will be lonely, upset and overwhelmed, and he’ll hold it all in. I know the rest of the family will help, and I know he’ll be out to visit me, but I can’t help but worry. I think I need to go read my lighthearted book “Cocktails for Three” before bed. 
Reading always helps. I bought 10 new books yesterday, thinking of the week I’ll be in isolation, and knowing that books provide me with an escape from reality.
I’m still thinking positive, but I’m so sad and worried at the same time. I know these are normal feelings, and I was thinking…maybe instead of looking at this experience as a disappointment in my life because, as I said, it seems everything should be falling into place at age 30, I should look at it as an opportunity to learn what lots of people don’t learn until they’re much older: what I can do to have my experience positively impact the lives of others and also how important it is to “go with the flow”, and find out what life has waiting for me.
- Thought I should include a happy photo to balance out my feelings expressed in the blog…this is a frog I saw with my friend Kristi on our balcony in Cuba in 2004. We named him “José Luis” and he never fails to make me smile. I hope he does the same for you!!
I’ve certainly learned that planning doesn’t always work. I found a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson that reads “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” That sounds like a good motto for life…now I’ll just focus on finding my dream job once I’m allowed to work that will allow me to do just that.
Thanks so much for being there for me! It means so much, especially as Sunday gets closer and closer. I rely on all of you to help me through this, and you never fail to bring me smiles, encouragement and love. Thank you.
Love ya.
21
AM
Julie, thanks for continuing to share your perspective with all of us. It really does serve as a good lesson or reminder of how we all should live our lives. It’s just like you to worry about everyone else and your dogs, too! Just know that everyone will be fine and you just focus on making the most out of your trip, both in terms of finding some enjoyment in your time there and of course being cured!!!
21
AM
I love the frog.
And it did make me smile
I love music and one of my songs and quotes is from Bob Marley
Don’t worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alrightâ€
Have a safe trip
Ken
21
PM
Julie,
He never fails to bring a smile to your face, and I like that! 
I’ll leave you with one last thought:
Who knew that little Jose Luis would turn out to be such an inspiration?!?!?!
YOU ARE GETTING SOME OF THE BEST BONE MARROW OUT THERE, AND I’VE BEEN TAKING VERY GOOD CARE OF IT FOR YOU…SO DON’T WORRY!
I love you!
21
PM
Ahhh, mi rana favorita. What a cutie he is….and I’m so glad he continues to make us all smile!!! I will keep looking for those cheap flights to come visit you in Seattle, and I can’t wait to see you before you go!
21
PM
It was such a wonderful visit tonight at your house. Bayla really enjoyed herself seeing you and your family. Julie…love the frog. Julie keep strong and tried not to worry too much. Everything and everyone will be fine. We promise to keep in touch with your Dad and have him over for dinner. We love you and will see you soon.
Norma, Steve & Bayla
22
AM
Julie,
It was really great getting to meet you and your family (doggies included!) last night. You all are the image of grace under fire.
Thanks for the pizza and the owls! Funny thing: when we got home, Charlotte was watching a sign-language video and she had just learned the sign for “owl”:-)
22
PM
Julie,
We just wanted to wish you best of luck. Your mom is so entertaining, I’m sure she will help to bring you some laughs. I know you will do great. The Yankees don’t let ture fans down.(The Sandman) GO JULIE!!
22
PM
Julie,
Thinking of you and your family as you travel to Seattle. You will be in my prayers every day for a quick recovery. Veronica Dietz
24
AM
Hi Sweetie,
Tracie just brought Addie Bean into the room and she squealed and said “Let’s write my Godmother a note”! We can’t be sure of everything she said, but we are sure we heard “Hi Julie, Please get well soon and come visit me. I promise to be good and olcxxkilose9ia8qyhaJJAWKSEL”! (That’s Addie typing with her toes)!
Have a safe trip and know we are all thinking good thoughts. We’ll see you soon.
Lot’s of love,
Aunt Di, Bernie and Addie Bean
25
PM
I love Jose Luis! He brings a smile to my face whenever i have a bad day. His picture is up on my bulletin board at work and so many times people come up and say “ewww what is THAT?!”. I say, he is Jose luis, and if you are ever sad, he makes you smile.
I can’t even begin to understand what you are feeling right now, but we are all here supporting you and sending you the best positive thoughts ever.
Love always,
Paloma (and your boyfriend Tony)