March 18th, 2009

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Happy St. Patty’s Day!!!!!

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

Last night, I took the facebook quiz “Where should you live”, and guess what popped up?….Ireland!!!  How perfect is that, considering it’s next on my travel wish list?  Not to mention that it was the night before St. Patty’s Day.  :)

I hope you all wore your green and enjoyed your day.  I went all out…a green sweater, my very favorite jacket (a bright green with my special orange leukemia awareness pin).  It was a good day.  I woke up at 11 (the latter end of the time period Lori suggested–I figure I’ll work myself up to the earlier hours!), ate breakfast, did some errands around the house, let my friends’ dogs out, met with my social worker, played with the dogs, put air in my bike tires (well, technically, my dad did that!), relaxed, watched some “Law and Order” and here we are–it’s 11:37.

I have to admit to you that I was a little nervous getting on my bike because I haven’t ridden it for, I’d say, at least five years.  Poor bike, stuck in the basement next to the ping pong table.  I plan on getting it some extra loving care though.  Tomorrow I’m taking both my bike and my dad’s to a local store to have them checked out and make sure they’re suitable to ride.  I’m no bike expert, so I want to make sure nothing happened to it while it was sitting there so patiently, waiting for me to come take it out again (and ditto for my dad and his bike).  I very tentatively rode it around my driveway, up the hill, down the hill, checking the brakes.  It’s confirmed.  I’m definitely old now because I am scared to fall off my bike.  I didn’t worry about that when I was younger!!  Fear is good though.  It’s a good motivator because it irks me, so I will push through until I ride over it with my bike.  :)  Plus, it makes me extra careful, and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!

My appointment with Shara went really well.  She gave me a daffodil plant (see pictures below)!  That’s not why it went well…because she gave me something…but I told her about how I’m having a difficult time implementing a routine, how I slept ’til 1 PM yesterday, how I had a nightmare about the leukemia coming back last night and how I plan on requesting another bone marrow biopsy/aspirate.  We also talked about living wills because I wasn’t sure if the one I filled out in Washington was applicable here in Virginia.  She told me about a document titled “Five Wishes”.  I need to read more about it, but apparently it’s different from other living wills because it doesn’t only focus on your medical wishes.  It also includes spiritual, emotional and personal needs.

I’m not requesting it because I think I’m going to die soon (but I’m pretty sure it’s unavoidable at some point! :) ), but rather because it’s so important to have all your wishes planned out.  I’ve talked to my family about some of these wishes, so I’m pretty sure they know what I would want, but putting it in writing on a legal document is my last step.  Then I’ll get all that info out of my head, so I can continue on with my life!

And speaking of continuing on with my life, I told Shara about how I’m looking forward to going to three weddings this year.  Paloma, I mentioned that I was disappointed I wouldn’t be able to drink some sangría at yours, and she advised me to ask my doctor if I can at least have one glass.  :)  I’m wondering if the “no drinking” rule will still be in effect since I’ll be off the Cyclosporin and Dapsone by then?!  I added it to my list of questions for the doctor.  :)

I also called the office today to ask if he will do another bone marrow aspirate/biopsy on me when I go in.  Last night, I dreamt that I had bumps all over my body, and that it was GVHD.  I also dreamt that my nose would not stop bleeding, indicating a significant drop in platelets and likely leukemia relapse.  It was not a good night for sleeping.  When I woke up, I asked myself, “How can I achieve peace of mind?”, and the only answer was to request another look at my marrow.  I truly believe that it is not back, and that my body is trying to work its way back to normal, but I need to know.

I hate that this will be a worry for years to come, but everyone who is labeled as “cured” has walked where I am now.  Day by day…there’s no other way to face it.  As the saying goes, “it starts with a single step”, right?  There’s no skipping ahead to five years from now.  I wouldn’t want to miss these next five years anyway, because I have a feeling they’ll hold a lot of happiness and excitement for me.

OK, now I’m trying to think of something happy for you to read and me to think about before sleeping…did you see the stars tonight?  Beautiful!  And the spring bugs are out, starting their nighttime serenades.  Hey, what ever happened to the whippoorwill (by the way, I know it’s a bird and not a bug :) — I was just thinking about it)?  When I was little, they would sing at night, and it scared me.  My mom always told me, “Listen!  They’re saying ‘go to sleep…you are sweet!’ “.  Apparently, I’d reply, “They are!!!!” and fall asleep.  I think I’ll imagine my mom’s saying as I drift off tonight so it can bring me sweet dreams.  :)  Check out this site to hear the whippoorwill–it’s not too far down the list:  http://www.mbr-pwrc.usgs.gov/id/songwav.html…hmmm…doesn’t sound like “go to sleep…you are sweet!”  :)  I think I must have been a gullible child.  :)

OK, I’m off to read a little, and listen to the relaxation track on my ipod.

Even though it’s 18 minutes past St. Patty’s Day, I figured I’d end with an Irish blessing:

“May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life’s passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!”

Lots of love,

Julie