March 16th, 2009

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Monday, March 16th, 2009

I did a bad, bad thing today.  I woke up around 10:30 or so (after snoozing several times), threw some laundry in the washer, let the dogs out, took my pills and gave Jameson his antibiotic, and then I decided to lay down for 20 more minutes.  I woke up at 1.  Now, here’s the thing:  I could have easily stayed awake at 10:30, but because I knew that any activity I chose to do around the house, I would be doing solo (starting a project, emptying the boxes in the room), I was unmotivated.  Of course, when I woke up, I felt guilty, especially after reading what Judy (our awesome dog walker) wrote: Jameson played a lot (as usual :) ), but Guinness seemed sad and just laid on the steps.

Perhaps I’m giving myself too much credit (this is what my mom thinks!), but I truly believe that Guinness feeds off of my energy.  Although he may seem like a very independent dog, he gets his security from the family.  He acts like a cat, sitting in his own chair and not asking for much attention, but he’s happiest doing it when we’re all with him.  Does that make any sense?  He picks up quickly on change, and this morning’s routine was anything but typical!  He played a lot with me in the afternoon, so that made me feel better.

Regarding tricks for waking up earlier, Lori suggested setting a window of time for my alarm in the morning, say between 9 and 11.  This sounds quite reasonable.  Hopefully I can start with the later time, and gradually set it earlier and earlier.  Hmmm…this is such a boring blog tonight!!!!  But this is my life, so I will share it!  :)

Of course when I sleep late like today, I worry about leukemia again.  Is it back and making me more sleepy?  What were those minor aches in my back last night?  When I force myself to think about it, I believe I’m being too hard on my body.  It’s still recovering from the transplant, and I’ve been trying to push it a little more lately with more walking, dancing, lots of laundry.  I visualize the minor aches as more white cells growing in the marrow.  But I still worry.  I watch tv and distract myself, but when a commercial comes on, I wonder, “what was it that was irking me just a little while ago?—oh yah, worrying about the leukemia”, and an uneasy feeling fills my stomach and my mind. If I can’t erase “worry” from the dictionary, I would love to just shake it off and put it in a box high up on a bookshelf, so I can forget about it…or better yet, I’ll put it through the shredder…yah, that would be perfect!

So here I go again, passing the worries off to you!  Also, simply putting pen to paper and writing “request another bone marrow biopsy/aspirate” frees me of worry.  Now I’m off to read some Maeve Binchy.  I find that filling my mind with fictional stories is quite helpful also.

I hope you all had a wonderful Monday!  Happy almost St. Paddy’s Day!  Don’t forget your green!  :)

Love,

Julie

Monday, March 16th, 2009

Well, thanks a lot, Laura!!!!  Guess what I dreamt about last night?  That’s right…people smelling poop to get high.  Needless to say, it was pretty disturbing!!  Tonight, I’m definitely going to either watch or read something funny and happy before hitting the hay.  It’s 5:49, and I’ve been sitting in the same chair all day, writing e-mails, doing some internet research, reading the “Washington Post Magazine” (Kristin, you got me hooked!), taking breaks only to dance around and play with the dogs.  I think I need to go play with them outside before we lose daylight, so I’ll be back.  No day is ever complete without playing outside with Jamie and Guinness.

OK, I’m back!  It’s now 10:26 PM (don’t you love how I give you the exact time?–not 10:25 or 10:30, but 10:26).  It was a relaxing, lazy Sunday…oh, by the way, I haven’t been playing with the dogs the past five hours, just in case you’re wondering.  You know, they actually didn’t seem like they wanted to play today–I think maybe they enjoyed their lazy Sunday as well.  I guess I can be lazy any day of the week right now, but there’s just something special about Sundays.  It’s nice that my parents are home, and we can all relax together.  :)

I’m looking forward to meeting with my social worker again this week, and I will be sure to let you know how that goes.  I actually don’t have any medical appointments this week!  Pretty exciting, don’t you think?  I should get started on one of my many projects…do any of you have any motivational words to help me get up earlier in the morning so I can make my day useful?  I wake up around 11 or so every day now, and I stay up ’til about 11:30 or midnight…it’s not as bad as when I first got back from Seattle, but I’m still not happy with my sleeping schedule.  I know I don’t physically need that much sleep, but it’s way too easy to snooze my alarm and roll back over, considering I don’t have many things that I actually need to be doing.  Also, do you have any advice about how to tackle a big project?  Mentally, I know I just have to get started, but I’m constantly finding other things to do.  Have I told you I still have boxes in my room from when I got home from Seattle?  Well, I do!  I mean, I don’t have many, but I do have a couple, which seems quite silly after being home for two months.

I still think about Seattle every day.  I picture myself walking along its streets, sitting by the fireplace at REI, enjoying the various restaurants, walking along “Julie and Carol’s Way”, looking out at the water.  I so wish it were closer to Virginia!!

Well, I’m getting pretty tired.  I hope you all enjoyed your weekend.  It was a good one for me!

Lots of love,

Julie