August 24th, 2008

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Sunday, August 24th, 2008

OK, well, there’s no sugarcoating anything. This sucks. I’ve had a pretty good day, other than my headache, but we’re 20 minutes away from Sunday, and that means I leave very soon. This time tomorrow I’ll be on a plane headed to Seattle, and I feel sorry for whoever has to sit next to me on the plane! :)

Yesterday was a wonderful day. My friend Rachel (also one of my excellent chauffeurs) took me to the doctor, then we got some Dairy Queen for lunch (mmmmm!!), and came home to play Scattegories. I quickly got addicted and kept having to play “one more game”.

Playing Scattegories with Rachel, Katie and Gobind

Playing Scattegories with Rachel, Katie and Gobind

Gobind and I concentrate on the game.  :)

Gobind and I concentrate on the game. :)

Catherine and Lori join the party!!

Catherine and Lori join the party!!

Several other friends came to visit, and it was a great evening. Later in the evening, Lori came by, and she and Rachel packed for me!!

I think you ladies should start a business!!!

I think you ladies should start a business!!!

They are the two best organizers I know, and they did a wonderful job!!!!!! Thank you both for helping to make it more of a fun project, and for organizing my room for me.

The evening before, several other friends came by, and we enjoyed a great night out on the porch (sorry again that the owls didn’t show! Ronnie’s convinced we’re trying to call them too often now…oh well!). Theresa, a friend whom Laura has known since high school, brought by a really cool gift that I know will help motivate me out in Seattle: boxing gloves!! They are green and have the Irish flag on them (as an excellent reminder of my next travel destination), and there are signatures of friends and family covering the gloves.

They fit perfectly, and I’m contemplating wearing them to my first doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. :) Thank you for such a thoughtful gift. Laura plans on getting some shoelaces and tying them together so I can hang them on my wall.

Theresa, your stance looks much better than mine!  I'll practice out in Seattle...thanks for the quick lesson, Abe!

Theresa, your stance looks much better than mine! I'll practice out in Seattle...thanks for the quick lesson, Abe!

I’m doing well, other than having what I think is an anemia headache. My doctor today thought it might be something else because my hemoglobin and hematocrit weren’t too low. What was crazy was that my neutrophils and white counts were abnormally high! I got a shot of Neupogen for the road yesterday, but my neutrophils were .9 yesterday, and today they were 15!  They never jumped up that high! I had no signs of infection, so the doc told me to come in tomorrow if I feel worse. I felt like I was all but begging for blood because I felt like that was what was causing the headache. Anyway, it’s still pretty annoying, but I just have to push through everything and get out to Seattle. I’m thinking good thoughts, and I’ll keep you updated on my numbers.

My emotions still feel a bit dulled, but I know tomorrow everything will come out. For some reason, it’s very easy for me to cry when I look at the dogs, again because I can’t explain all of this to them. I went outside about an hour ago to let Jameson and Guinness in and I stood there looking at the stars, listening to the katydids, and contemplating the trip to Seattle. Jameson ran up with a frisbee in his mouth, and I started tearing up. It was too dark to play, and tomorrow I know I’ll be busy finishing getting ready, and then I won’t see him until January. I guess I feel guilty. Everyone else in the family is tired from preparing for the trip, tired and stressed from all the emotions and the logistics, just tired of leukemia in general, I guess.

But I’m still optimistic. Tomorrow will be an incredibly difficult day for me, but I don’t have any choice but to get through it, and to keep working toward my goal, getting rid of cancer once and for all. My aunt Barbie wrote something really pretty in a recent e-mail to me, a teaching she heard once, and it will be a great visualization in the upcoming months:

“A person can’t NOT think something. So when a thought comes to mind, you can’t help it. But you don’t have to “entertain” that thought. You should REPLACE that negative thought with a positive thought, every time that negative thought comes to mind. It is easiest to pick the same positive thought and get into the habit of bringing it to mind to replace each negative thought. For example, ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’ Or pick another verse or thought that suits you.”

I think I'll also refer to this image when I need a laugh...they're a little big on you, Rachel, but I love the pic!!

I think I'll also refer to this image when I need a laugh...they're a little big on you, Rachel, but I love the pic!!

So here’s what I decided. Each time a negative thought comes to mind, I will picture myself dancing at my friend, Kristi’s, wedding next summer. I will be healthy, and I will be out there celebrating with everyone.  I know I can’t stop the negative thoughts from coming, but I can control how I handle them. Thanks for the advice, Aunt Barbie!!

Well, another long post, but it’s a big day…it’s actually 12:08 AM now…I need to stop watching the clock, huh?! I better get some rest, but I’ll write as soon as I can from Seattle. Thank you for your support and your wishes. I feel like you can only be as strong as your support network, and I feel like I’m stronger than those creepy-looking weightlifters at the Olympics. :) I feel all your thoughts and prayers, and they are indeed making a difference.

Sending all my love to everyone.